Women are from Venus, men are from Mars: why we really speak different languages

It is hardly possible to find a couple in which there would be no quarrels and misunderstandings. Most problems in relationships between men and women arise because we are truly different. And not just different – men and women from different planets. Our approaches to most issues are so different that to understand different problems we need a common language.

The difference is at the level of psychology and emotions

“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” is a book by psychologist John Gray, which was published in May 1992. It was published in many languages ​​and became a real bestseller. Unlike many other psychologists who focus more on the similarities between the sexes, Gray focuses specifically on the differences.

“As an example, we can cite a typical problem: women believe that men do not know how to listen. This is due to the fact that in difficult times they want to speak out, and they want to receive support and recognition from their partner that their difficulties are significant. A man, in a hurry, immediately wants to find a solution, instead of listening carefully.

Women are from Venus, men are from Mars: why we really speak different languages

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Another problem is that men believe that women are trying to remake them, to “cut them down,” as it were, and give recommendations. For example, when a partner cannot complete some task on his own, the girl thinks that she should help and begins to give advice. The man sees this not as her help, but as distrust in his own abilities, because it is important for him to achieve everything himself,” explains psychologist Maria Lebben.

In interpersonal relationships, a man and a woman are determined to achieve different goals. The lady wants communication and cooperation, love and understanding. Scientists have noted that already in infancy, girls react more emotionally to people’s faces, while boys react more emotionally to the shape of objects.

Men do not like to make mistakes

A man, designed to be an exemplary provider and protector, hates making mistakes and demonstrating to a woman his own weakness or inadequacy. He does not like to listen to advice, suggestions, comments, because he hears in them accusations of his incompetence.

“He will lead his wife and children to an unfamiliar place until exhaustion, but will never ask a passerby for directions. He will be painfully worried, but will not say a word to the woman so that she does not admit his failure. Therefore, a woman must be very delicate to guide him where he needs to go. In general, it is very important for men to hear from a woman that he really gives her everything for her happiness,” says Maria.

Women are from Venus, men are from Mars: why we really speak different languages


Women are more sensitive and sensual

Women's senses are sharper and more sensitive. Their emotional adaptation is much higher than that of men. Girls subtly sense minor changes in views and mood.

“A woman’s hearing is several orders of magnitude superior to a man’s. A woman knows how to separate sounds, classify them into different categories, and make decisions on each of them. This gives her the opportunity to simultaneously argue with her husband, instruct her child and talk to her friend on the phone,” says Maria.

The difference in love

For a woman, love is poetry, and for a man, it is prose. A man lives with the attitude of “doing something”; he demonstrates deep love through actions (for example, conquering a mountain peak or beating carpets). A woman needs beautiful confessions and words. “When a relationship is at the courtship stage, a man tells a woman more than in his entire life together – these are the needs to achieve his goal of getting the desired girl,” notes the psychologist.

And how many tears are shed by women because in intimate relationships men pay little attention to affection and touch! The partner's readiness for sex at almost any time and in any mood (after a quarrel, during the illness of the children) makes a woman think that the man is simply using her!

Women are from Venus, men are from Mars: why we really speak different languages


“But let's turn to science and see that the hypothalamus, where the sex center is located, is larger in men. In addition, the hormone testosterone, which is responsible for sexual desire, is 10-20 times higher in content in the male body than in women. Such is nature.

And women's skin is 10 times more sensitive than men's, it is thinner and has an additional layer. This is why women desperately need touch. In men, the skin is thicker and less sensitive to tactile contact (its sensitivity is concentrated in several places). Finding a common language between such different creatures is quite difficult,” admits psychologist Maria Lebben.

Hormones and the response to stress

Men have an anti-stress hormone – testosterone , and they produce it alone. Women have oxytocin and feel comfortable talking, telling someone about their problems. Guys don’t like to complain and relieve stress by solving problems and acting on their own.

“Ignorance of these differences leads to the fact that men get tired of women’s problems (and they are never calm, they are always preoccupied to some extent), brush them aside, saying: “Don’t pay attention to such trifles!” These words only add fuel to the fire. She decides that her partner is ignoring her and doesn’t want to pay attention.

Women are from Venus, men are from Mars: why we really speak different languages


This only increases stress. The conversation threatens to escalate into a quarrel. A man in a stressed, irritated state cannot carry on a conversation. For him to restore normal testosterone levels and calm down, he needs to be alone for a while, and he, sensing a brewing conflict, somehow stops it and leaves. At this moment, the woman needs to show wisdom and leave him alone, and not follow him, trying to finish saying something else, because the man may explode and a scandal will be ensured,” warns Maria.

To prevent this from happening, women should try to monitor the topic of conversation without going beyond it until it ends with a decision. And most importantly, it is important for both partners to remember compromise throughout the conversation if they at least want to get something from each other.